Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
