i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
