so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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