My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
