1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
