the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
