The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
