Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
