I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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