i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he puts the penis in happiness.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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