Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
