My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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