I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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