nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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