what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
