You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think i got beer on your cat.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
