They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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