margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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