thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
worst night to have a conscience
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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