Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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