plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
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he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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