I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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