wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
