I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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