Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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