do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
