im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
