Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
