Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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