Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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