I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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