Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
