sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
