you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
