I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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