So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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