If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
