I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
