we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
