She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
