8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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