i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
