Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
