apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
