I molested 6 butterflies tonight
from now on my penis is your penis
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
