i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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