Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
