My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So here I am, sexting at work.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
