on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
