drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
