he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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