Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize