Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it hurts more in the daytime
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
