How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
