how can u be prego again
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
