I skipped work to stalk him.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
