I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
