Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
