he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
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This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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