I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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