Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
