Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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