Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
