I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
