in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.