Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.