mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again