btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
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Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
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Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album