thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize