the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
