The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
