my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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