There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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