If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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