So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
