you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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