Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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